15 yr old self

The past few days I've been reading my old web blog site I had when I first started highschool, in 2003. Xanga It's pretty entertaining to read the things I wrote, the stupid drama and all the day to day things I worried about at 15, like boys and class and my friends. I wrote about never getting married, and being an actress or writer or photographer who traveled the world taking photos for some cheap magazine. It's made realize how little a 15 yr old knows, believe me at the time I really did think I knew everything and I was so "mature and wise" for my age.. It makes me laugh to think of Audrey at 15, if she'll be like I was . I wrote in one post "i know what i wanna do with my life, act. take pictures and raise a family with prince charming on some coast shore in the north west like oregon" Well I did get Prince Charming and a family ! Although I must say, I did have good taste in music which has reminded me of some old bands I'd forgotten about. this is some lyrics I had posted and they really fit for my life as it is now. All through the night I'll be watching over you And all through the night I'll be standing over you And through bad dreams I'll be right there baby telling you everything's going to be alright When you cry I'll be there baby telling you were never nothing less than beautiful So don't you worry I'm your Angel standing by 9 years ago I never would have imagined my life as it is today, living in a big city, being a stay at home mom to a goofy little girl and married to a man who's only home half the time AND never ever would have I seen myself being a stepmother to two kids. Even this time 4 years ago, right before I met Justin I never would have guessed this was how my life would turn out. It's amazing how you change so much over time, from your teenage years to your 20s.

World Down Syndrome Day

As I've written before I have a friend, I consider her a friend even though we've never met and she lives in Florida while I live in Texas, we went through our pregnancy together her daughter Kennedy was born 9 days before Audrey. Kennedy was born with Down Syndrome, my heart broke for my friend, but then I saw how she came through it, and I've watched Kennedy, through her mothers posts and blogs, grow into this amazing little girl, I no longer see Kennedy as DS baby, I just see her as Kennedy. Her mother is such an inspiration! Prior to Kennedy I only knew two people with DS, both were in an ex boyfriends family, I didn't really understand it, I just knew they were different and I once used the word "retarded" about a shirt I was wearing and my ex flipped out, I didn't understand why he was so mad and I really thought he was over reacting. But now I get it, I get why that word is so offensive. I've been trying to stop using that word, and when it does slip out I instantly feel bad because that's such an ugly word, and I really encourage everyone to STOP using that word. Today is World Down Syndrome Day, If you know nothing about DS then I encourage you to learn something, check out my friends blog, read her amazing journey over the last year. http://www.worlddownsyndromeday.org/

http://lifeasweknowit-jenniferm.blogspot.com/

Moving on up!

So we got a house in Ft.Worth, just renting for now until we fix 3 things on Justins credit then we can buy next year. I'm excited to have a yard to let the kids play outside, and to have a bigger place 3 bedrooms and two bathrooms, lots of space for the kids! It's about 20 minutes from where we are now and about 150$ more in rent than what we pay now, but we looked and looked around our Arlington and it's just more expensive to live here, a duplex was 1250$! I've been busy packing, which is helping this hitch go by faster, I've got my dishes, my books, wall decor, and movies all packed. I took a lot of stuff to goodwill, including Audreys swing and bouncer, and sold her exersaucer and infant car seat.. I was more sad than I thought I would be, because It means she really isn't a "baby" anymore. Justin goes back to work right after we move in so I get to unpack all by myself, but everytime we've ever moved that's how its been so I guess I'm used to it.

mother of a toddler now!

Audrey turned 1 Feb 28th. It does NOT seem like she should be a toddler, that she should be walking and starting to try to talk. The past year went by at warped speed it seems like. Her birthday was bittersweet, I was happy to celebrate her birth, the amazing little person she is, but I was sad that she was growing up. I never understood why mothers were sad about their kids birthdays, but I totally get it now. I want her to stay my little baby forever. We had her birthday at Justin's aunts house, not many people came, which kinda sucked, but oh well. She got a lot of toys and clothes, she has so many toys now she needs another toy box! My mom got her a play kitchen, she loves it, and it grows as she gets bigger, we got her a push car and a Dora chair, she loves it and sits in like she's a big girl watching cartoons. Her hair is so long now I can pull it back in a little pony tail. She has grown and changed so much in a year, this time last year she was this tiny little helpless baby and now she's more in charge than I am sometimes! haha! She is a walking mess maker, she leaves a trail of destruction everywhere she goes! She has changed my life in so many ways, I used to be a pretty selfish person, but when you're a mother you would walk to the moon and back for your child, at least I would. I'm so lucky to have this little goofy girl as my daughter. I love her so much! The fun things start now, everyday is something new with her, she recently started giving kisses, I never knew my heart could melt so fast! It is the sweetest thing ever! I made it through the infant stage, I sometimes didn't know if I would make it through the day, it was hard doing it on my own most of the time, but I did it, and now I get to see her explore and grow in new ways, like talking and playing. I'm sad to see my little baby grow but I'm excited for this new stage of life, being the mother of a toddler. But no matter what she will ALWAYS be my baby, even when she's 40.

The only way out is through

I Love this Tat. I've been wanting to get these lyrics (by Alanis Morissette) for awhile, and I think I want them just like this... but on my wrist so I can see them, it's going to be my reward to myself when I reach my goal, to remind me that I can come through anything, that I am strong. Love it. Workouts are kicking my butt, my legs are super sore, but I lost another pound! And even though my husband has already eaten out twice since he's been home I have resisted and stuck to my plan.

10lbs down

I've lost 10 lbs so far! which is pretty good for less than two weeks!
the first few days were rough, I was still so hungry between meals, I was literally watching the clock until I could eat again.
now Its no big deal.
I wasn't able to drink the green tea, I guess I just dislike all tea, so its been just water for me!
I'm excited to start Phase 1 on Tuesday, I can have a regular breakfast like fiber cereal or oatmeal instead of the shake, and I can have fruit with my meals or as a snack. I'm nervous about the workouts, I've heard they are pretty hard and since my workout level and experience is at like a -10 this is probably going to kick my ass.
Also I know there are a few positions and exercises I won't be able to do because I can't fully extend my left arm or put a lot of weight on it because my elbow never healed right.
But I'm going to give it my all!
I already feel like I have more energy, I started going for walks at the park with Audrey, I'm hoping it warms up soon so I can go everyday.

Day 5

I'm on day 5 of my Reset part of the P.I.N.K. Method
I don't have much energy the last two days, I guess its my body adjusting to the diet change but so far I've lost 6 lbs!
I slacked yesterday and had bread with my turkey burger patty, which is probably why I didn't lose any, still weigh the same as yesterday.
I haven't hadn't anything to drink other than water since starting this, which is HUGE for me, I stopped drinking caffeine when I was pregnant but I drank a lot of juice.
I can't wait to be done with the reset part and start the workouts .
I'm determined to do this.
My first goal weight is 170 and then 150.
I've never been a "small" girl, ever, even when I was a kid I had big bones and big hips so I'm not going to set an unrealistic goal of getting down to a size 6.
I want to be in shape and healthy and feel confident about the way I look, I don't care if society will still label me as "fat". I'm doing this for ME, no one else. okay well I'm doing it also for Audrey, I want to be healthy so I'm around a LONG LONG time for her.